ANS jokes
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
Why did the rapper become an archaeologist?
Because he wanted to dig for old-school beats!
Leo must be an INTERIOR DECORATOR... because when she enters a room, it becomes UGLY.
What do you call your retard friend?
A homie with an extra cromie.
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
For some sick DRIZZLE on his tracks.
Memes
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
Bro, your hairline and an athletics track have one thing in common: they look like Humpty Dumpty.
Do you know when an African doesn't feel hungry?
When he is dead.
What do we call a family photograph of an orphan?
A selfie.
What's the difference between a bird and an emo?
Birds fly.
What do you call an Irish person having a seizure? A Shamrock Shake.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
What gun was used to kill Bin Laden?
An AK-BAR 47.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
The doctor had an ego so big, it fell into the ocean fast.
What type of restaurant can an orphan not go to? A family diner.
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.