ANS jokes

Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?

A: You don't have to buy dog food.

Harder than a diamond in an ice storm.

“Wanna smoke, kids?” is an offer to do drugs.

“Wanna smoke kids?” is an offer to kill.

Why do you need an AR-15?

So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.

Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.

About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."

Mom asked, "Why?"

Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."

I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.

When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.

When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.

The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.

What kind of car does an Indian person drive? A Pri-yas.

What's an Indian scammer's worst nightmare? Google Playstore points being redeemed.

The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.

Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.

Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.

I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.

An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.

Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked at least.

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

What do you call a riot full of white people?

An avalanche.

My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job.

Why is an apple not called a "red", but an orange is called an "orange"?

What did the dark man say when he found out he had an erectile dysfunction?

"I can't breed! I can't breed! I can't breed!"

R.I.P. Floyd.