ANS jokes

What do you call an orphan who likes football?

Because someone will actually give him something.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.

Hello Watersharky, I am Koge.

I see your songs and want to be your agent. Please write back about this offer. Thank you.

What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!

What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 1800s?

Master.

What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 2000s?

Coach.

I gave an orphan an iPhone X for a reason.

It doesn’t have a home button.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.

What is a woman doing with an empty sheet?

Reading her rights!

What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

How does an apple fall from a tree?

I don't know, ask Sir Isaac Newton!

You wanna hear an orphan joke?

Okay, here it goes:

You.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.

Also gehen Addison, Gwen und Bradley alle in eine Bar. Dann schreien sie alle an, sie sollen aufhören, Bier zu trinken, weil sie es nicht mögen. Dann schreien sie den Barkeeper an und sagen, er solle das Bier nicht verkaufen, weil sie es nicht mögen. Die Kunden lachen sie als Paviane aus.

Was machen Addison, Gwen und Bradley? Sie kommen auf diese Seite und argumentieren, dass Witze zu gemein sind, und weil sie sie nicht mögen, stoppen sie jeden, der sie als WITZ macht. Das Ende.

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.