ANS jokes
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?
Puppies get adopted.
I'm an orphan, so kidnap me.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
What is the octopus's favorite shape?
An octagon.
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
An emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five... the tree left her hanging.
This isn’t a joke. Quiet kid jokes are so cliché. Like since when was there an original quiet kid joke like smh. Doesn’t help because I’m a quiet kid and people act as if I’m so dangerous and it’s like the only thing they say to me. Being judged as some big bad monster for being AN INTROVERT!! These jokes used to be funny to me, but now I’m just sick of them...
What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: Oh, I wan-
Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.
Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What do you call an orphan being kidnapped?
A surprise adoption!!
Why do orphans get an iPhone X?
Because they have no home button.
Where does an orphan come from?
Daddy getting milk.
For centuries, Japan’s feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japan’s isolationism was creating problems for the United States’ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perry’s task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogun’s representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didn’t give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perry’s expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.