ANS jokes
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?
Removing a bomb.