ANS jokes
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.
And an exorcism.
What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
Harder than a diamond in an ice storm.
What do you call an @EB with no ears?
An Explain B.
What's an orphan's least favorite T.V. show?
Family Guy.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.