ANS jokes
what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?
loading the dishwasher.
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?
Black matter leaves an impact.
What did Hitler get for his birthday?
A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?
Not sure, I just fly the drone.
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
What's an emo's favorite way of growing food?
The slash and burn tactic.
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
What activity do nuns and whores have in common?
Answer: Genuflection.
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.