ANS jokes
How do you make an ass laugh?
Crack a CHEEKY JOKE.
What do you call an ass on a beach?
Sandy cheeks!
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.
An Emo kid in a tree falls. At the same time an apple falls from the same tree, what hits the ground first? The apple would be due to the kid's rope and noose.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.
The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
What instrument does a special ed kid play? An autistic guitar.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A rhyme scheme that's all about the Benjamins!
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
For when it started RAINING RHYMES.
Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?
A. May your baby rest in pieces.
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
For some sick DRIZZLE on his tracks.
Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
What do you call your retard friend?
A homie with an extra cromie.
Leo must be an INTERIOR DECORATOR... because when she enters a room, it becomes UGLY.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...