ANS jokes
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?
Removing a bomb.
What do you call an apartment full of Black people?
A crackhouse.
What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
How do you make an ass laugh?
Crack a CHEEKY JOKE.
What do you call an ass on a beach?
Sandy cheeks!
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.