ANS jokes

Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?

A. An ambulance.

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

  • 2

    • What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

    I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

    This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

    I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

    So I did...

    I don't remember much after that.

    A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.

    A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.

  • 1

    • I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

    An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

    An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:

    Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."

    Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"

    Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."

    Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"

    Man: "I’m telling everybody!"

    I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

    Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

    An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

    It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."

    The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"

    The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"

    The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.

    Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.

    Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"

    I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...

    It was wrong on so many levels.

  • 1

    • Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.