Animal jokes
What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?
Nothing, they are both orphans.
What do cheetahs like?
Sports!
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was depressed.
Chuck Norris knows why the chicken crossed the road.
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Nuts!
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Fuck you, that's why.
Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."
What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?
A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).
One day a teacher says: "What does a pig give us?"
A student says: "Bacon!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a chicken give us?"
A student says: "Eggs!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a fat cow give us?"
A student says: "Homework!"
The whole class laughs.
Q: What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
A: Bison.