Animal jokes
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To become the spicy chicken burger at Chic-fil-A.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It felt like it.
What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?
Nothing, they are both orphans.
What do cheetahs like?
Sports!
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was depressed.
Chuck Norris knows why the chicken crossed the road.
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Nuts!