How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
What fish sings?
A tuna.
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
What goes "Ooooooo"?
A cow with no lips.
The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
What do you call two bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Why was the Koala Bear so clever?
Because he had good koalifications!
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
what is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender
What do you call a cow you can’t see?
Camooflauged.
A baby seal walked into a club.
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
