Animal jokes

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

How do you check that a rabbit is old?

You check how many gray hares it has.

What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?

A bull in a china shop.

What do you call a dwarf police officer?

A guinea pig.

What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?

Hippo-POT-amus!

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?

Where do gorillas get all the "pussy" from? The strip club, which is called "Poker Kong Night."

What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?

Cat-egories.

Get it?

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

'Cause it's a car-PET.

What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?

"It won't be long now..."

What type of sandals do frogs wear?

Open-toed.

Q: Why did the cow touch an electric fence?

A: Because it wanted to get electrocowted! 🐄

What is another name for a stupid fish?

"Dum bass."

What would you name a mummified squirrel?

Perhaps... Mumford?

What kind of animal falls from the sky?

Answer: A raindeer.

What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?

A coward.

What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?

"I'm totally dogging it today..."

If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn.