Animal jokes
Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?
Where do gorillas get all the "pussy" from? The strip club, which is called "Poker Kong Night."
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toed.
Q: Why did the cow touch an electric fence?
A: Because it wanted to get electrocowted! 🐄
What is another name for a stupid fish?
"Dum bass."
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
What kind of animal falls from the sky?
Answer: A raindeer.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!
This is a classic.
Why did the Dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot Dog!
What did a cat say to the dog?
"I will kill and eat you hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehheehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheeehehehehehehehe"
What did the egg say to the other egg?
Nothing, they can't talk.
Holy cow!
"Little John, she is fat." How? He said, "Like a pig."
How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.