Animal jokes
Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?
Because she knew the lion was always lion.
Why did the cheetah kill the lion? Because he farted.
I know my jokes suck.
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?
“Good evening, ladies.”
What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.
What did momma seal name her twin girls?
Luceal and Sealia.
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
What would you name your pet rabbit?
Harry.
What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?
"Would you stop bugging me!"
What did one bee say to the other bee?
"I love you, honey!"
My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"
How do you check that a rabbit is old?
You check how many gray hares it has.
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?
Where do gorillas get all the "pussy" from? The strip club, which is called "Poker Kong Night."
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.