Ani jokes
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”
Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
I just wanted to say...
These disabled jokes are quite offensive. I'm not disabled in any way, but people reading might be affected in many ways. Yes, some of them are amusing, but there's a difference between having a joke and being plain rude.
Please take my feedback into account. Thanks!
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Where are your parents? Oh, behind you? Not any more.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
Like if your best friend is emo. *repost* or like if you have a best friend.
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."
What time is your name from? Any time.
Anyone else know that Hitler had only one testicle?
Maybe that's why he killed himself. Bro could never get any bitches!
"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?
He kept dropping the bass."
Why don't orphans have any friends?
Because they don't have homies.
Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!