Ani jokes
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
Hey guys, it's Hailey here.
I'ma start off with henlo ;-;
I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.
So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.
Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.
I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.
Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;
Stephen Hawking can pass any test, but there's one test he can't pass. It is the PACER test.
Why doesn't Iran have any Walmarts?
Because they have a Target at every corner.
Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because no one came back with any.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
I searched up self harm jokes, clean, but I couldn't find any :[
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
Why can’t the orphan get any of the new iPhones?
'Cause none of them have a home button.
Why did Michael Jackson become white? He wanted to be like a ghost, and I have any feeheet.
I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀
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What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”