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Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?

'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.

"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"

"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."

"I meant the ice cream, bro..."

Why did the serial killer let the guy in a wheelchair go? Because the guy didn’t really have any body for the serial killer to stab.

"Does this make any cents?" a man says.

"Oh, it does make cents," me. <-- thing: Lemin"aid" <-- another joke.

I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."

Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.

God: *SILENCE*

Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!

God: *SILENCE*

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

Hey guys, it's Hailey here.

I'ma start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

Why doesn't Iran have any Walmarts?

Because they have a Target at every corner.

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?

Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."

I went to a feminist picnic the other day.

It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

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