America jokes
England: No towers?
America: No queen?
England: Remember 1812?
America: No tea?
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
Why is America bad at Clash Royale?
Because they can't defend their towers.
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.
*School shooting happens.*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*
American student: "First time?"
Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"
American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
Why does America have more guns than people?
I would make a joke about America... However, the fact it exists is a joke in itself.
The S in America stands for safe.
What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
Why can't America play chess?
There are missing two towers.
What does a foreigner say when he comes to America?
I don't know, I don't speak foreignish...
Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!
When do Americans answer their door?
Once freedom rings! ❤️🤍💙
Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.
Did you hear about the baseball game between America and Ethiopia?
America - 8
Ethiopia - didn't.
Your hairline is so far back it took a trip to America.
I'm illegal.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?