America jokes
I entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
"Bippity Boppity Boo, Donald Trump is gonna deport you!"
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
Who are the fastest readers? Nine-eleven victims, because they fell through 720 stories in under 10 seconds.
Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
In America, there was a boy named Urhan, and he had one hand and a stump, and a girl named Handa who was an orphan. They had a trial for the Boston Red Sox, and they failed because Urhan couldn’t stump the ball, and Handa didn’t know where home was.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport??
Cross country because they don't need to be in America. Mexico was made for them.
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
Why did 1 eat 2?
'Cause he was hungry.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
Fortnite is like America... At one time it was good and free. Now it's neither.
Why can't America play chess?
They're missing two towers.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?
Your next door grumpy old neighbor.