Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
Why do people with Down syndrome always look funny?
It’s their funny face.
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.
He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.
