Always jokes

1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

I love stairs. They always bring me up.

Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.

He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.

Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.

Why do cheetahs always win?

Because they cheat!

I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.

When my girlfriend broke up with me, I took her wheelchair. I always knew she would come crawling back.

Why does the sky think it's so powerful?

Because it's always looking down on us.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

This is a lot like anal sex.

You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."

I tell short people to reach for the stars.

They are always a bit short of reach.

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."