"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
What’s the difference between a penis and a gold ball? A penis always goes in the hole.
Never trust a donky, they are always full of shit.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Always practice safe sex: paint an x on the sheep that kick.
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
How do you annoy Pinocchio? Ask him "Do you always tell lies?" (think about it)
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
Why do Down syndrome people alway look funny ... it’s there funny face
why dose Kurt Cobain hate his brother? because he's always calling shotgun.
alright my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time and what i say is go get you boyfriend dude
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue." he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
