Alcohol jokes

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭

So what does stress and energy mean?

Beer.

What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

My uncle is an alchemist.

He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"

So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.

So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

What do a girl and a bar have in common?

A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

Why do they never serve beer at a math party?

Because you can't drink and derive.

Why is the rum gone?

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.

Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.

Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?

All real chemists know that alcohol is always a solution.

I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

What's the difference between a club and a bar? I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.

George Floyd: 3 years sober, drug and alcohol free.

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.