Alcohol jokes

Diddy and Hawk Tuah walk into a bar. Hawk Tuah says, "Spit on that thang!" Only one walks out. 💀

A lion would never drive while drunk.

But a tiger wood.

What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?

They are not for kids.

Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.

Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer.

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

People are like tequila glasses,

you gotta shoot them down fast.

If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?

A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"

A redneck and a Black man walk into a bar and order a drink.

Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.

Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"

"Yeah, I'm taking her home."

He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

How do computers get drunk?

They take a screenshot.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.

6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.

Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."

What is an orphan’s favorite beer?

Fosters.

The only thing I do straight is vodka.

How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.