Aids jokes

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.

AIDS?

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.

What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?

The HIV test results.

We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"

Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?

A: Hearing Aids.

What’s positive in Africa?

HIV/AIDS.

Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?

A: AIDS.

A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.

Time heals all wounds.

Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.

Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.

A girl goes to a Church to confess.

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

(after a few minutes)

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

What STD can you get from phone sex?

Hearing AIDS.

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.