Age jokes
What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?
I've never been inside a submarine.
Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?
Answer: 16
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Addison Banks Age (8)
"I'm a little brat who won't shut the hell up! And stop talking!"
Yo mama so old, she got nostalgia for the Big Bang!
Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.
At 6, she wanted a happy mama.
At 8, she hated acting like a mom.
At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.
At 11, she wanted to see her mom.
What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?
A candle or a pencil!
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
Your hairline and my grandpa go wayyyyy back.
What’s the best part about banging twenty-eight year olds? There are twenty of them.
God damn it. Fuck Christianity. I'm fucking 30 years old and still a virgin.
THAT'S A JOKE GOD DAMMIT!
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
What's the best thing about twenty-one year olds?
There's twenty-one of them.
Yo hairline so far back, it oversaw the creation of the earth!