Age jokes

I knew you played football because your hairline is receding.

Your hairline is so far back that when your teacher puts you in the front of the class, your hairline is quite in the back.

Your hairline and forehead must be friends, because they go way back further than the universe.

If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?

A "retiree."

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.

I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯

TJ's hairline so far back you still couldn't find it when the Devil was alive.

Your hairline and your forehead must have a lot in common because they go waaaaaaaayyy back!

I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boomer age?

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Yo mamma so old that when she farts, we have to dust again.

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.

Your hairline goes back to the Middle Ages.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.