Afterlife jokes
What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?
DeterMIENATION
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?
Why could the zombie not clap? Because it was dead, duh!
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
What’s the difference between a living and dead person? I don’t know, I just bury the coffin.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.
The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."
God busted out laughing and let him in.
The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."
God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."
Your mama is so fat, she broke the stairs to Heaven.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?
Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
Want to know what Juice WRLD would do if he were alive today?
Frantically scratch on the inside of his coffin.
What is hell to you?
Jesus!!!!!
He is everywhere taking our time and energy and our lives for his entertainment.
But Judgment Day is his eternal hell!
And our Eternal Heaven!!
-->[]life death[]<--
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.