How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.
Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
"Him and his dead family." :(
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
"Our souls will rain forever."
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
-->[]life death[]<--
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.
