Aed jokes
Your family in a nutshell.
There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.
What is a dog that is awesome? A smart dog.
Why were the victims of 9/11 so mad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was a plane.
What's the resemblance between a microwave and human reproduction?
They both make a sound at the end.
Why don't headless people have a head in class?
Because they know that they will be ahead of the class. XD
I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.
They brought it over but spilled it on me.
I said that was a udder failure!
I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂
What do you get when someone named Victoria falls? A Victoria Falls!
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator!
Colder than the conversation between a fat guy and a Super Model...
When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"
When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."
There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.
Yesterday I had a party.
I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.
I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!
One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.