Aed jokes
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.
Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?
Nein, nein, nein!
I would tell you a joke about pizza,
but it's too cheesy.
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar...
"GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts, "We don't serve your type!"
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
A man walked into a toilet and saw a woman fingering a man and said, "I think you're doing it wrong." Turns out it was two transvestites.
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? "ching chong ching chong tang tang."
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
What is a "dad?"
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
Please, this is disgusting. This is only men who think that it’s fun to do jokes about rape. It’s really fucking dramatic for a man/woman to get raped, so please just shut the fuck up!
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.