Aed jokes
Q: Name a murderer?
Aborted fetus: My mum.
Johnny eats a lot of ham, so he catches lots of spam.
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
If a midget does meth, does he get high or get medium?
Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?
They don't have a dad to check the closet.
Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?
He kneaded a turd.
Any food an orphan has is a family-sized meal.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
Mrs. Kadie, I heard about this Mr. Beast video about veggie burgers. I hope that you didn't trick me again.
Mr. Beast: Today we're gonna be eating a hot tender burger.
Mrs. Kadie: OMG he didn't say vegan!
Viewers: HAHAHA we tricked you!
Mrs. Kadie: That's it Mr. Beast, we're gonna pour blood on your face!
Mr. Beast & Chandler: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!1!
What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
Is it a bird, is it a plane?
No, it’s a 9/11 victim.
If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."