Aed jokes
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
Q: Why do orphans hate Fast and Furious movies?
A: Because they say "family" too often.
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why don’t she stand up for herself?
Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?
A: He could not use his mother's credit card.
Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.
I told her, "Do a wheelie!"
When does a kid become an orphan?
When the parents leave.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
Student: Which end?
Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?
A. He was trying to phone home.
Me: I asked an orphan where his parents were. I also said that I promised to take him to them.
Orphan: They're dead.
Me: A promise made is a promise kept.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.