Aed jokes
Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."
Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
What do you call an idiot who needs to get a life?
The Stigg.
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.