Aed jokes
What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?
About 15 stone.
I know your hairline's pretty bent, but your gender's on a different level.
Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.
Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.
Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
Why did the orphan commit a crime?
Because they wanted to be wanted!
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
Why do orphans hate Christmas?
Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
I got sent to the principal's office for giving an orphan kid a family-size pack.
Sorry to take your time today for a few minutes. We are cool, but not the best.
We should give whoever killed Hitler a statue. Oh wait, never mind.
Your hairline is so far back that the United States got a front row seat!
Why can't orphans be in charge of making web pages?
Because they can't add a home page.
The people in the tower ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was a plane.
What do you call a terrible bus company?
Stagecoach Highlands.
You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes?
Sneakers.