Aed jokes
Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!
What do you call a bunch of retarded preschoolers? Tater tots.
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.
It’s a bird.
It’s a plane.
Oh, shit it is a plane!
Yo forehead so big, an airplane can use that as a runway!
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Your forehead is so big, it takes the sun a year to shine on every part of it.
Your forehead is so big, it's a $20 taxi ride from your hairline to your eyebrows.
I tried a lemonade from my friend. It tasted fantatastic!
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
It's really funny, read through everything slowly.
Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.
I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."
Can never tell a funny 9/11 joke. They always collapse and burn.
I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"