Aed jokes
What is a woman doing with an empty sheet?
Reading her rights!
Why does a leaf fall faster than an Emo?
The Emo hangs himself.
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.
I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.
Except it had no home button.
If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
He was saying jokes, and someone said, "You are on a roll!"
Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?
Because there are too many Cheetahs!
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
What do you call someone in a wheelchair with a gun? A rxd.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.
Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.
If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.
I dunno man, worked for me.
What do you call a depressed person's life?
At this point, nonexistent.
The priest had a very holy shirt.
So, if there is a 7-Eleven and a 911, where's 811?