Aed jokes
If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.
I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
At the library, I got in trouble for putting a cooking book in the women's section.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.
What do the Twin Towers and a bad joke have in common? They never land well.
How does a non-binary ninja slay enemies?
They/Them.
A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A dragon.
A dragon who?
The dragon gonna drag its balls across your face.
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
Everybody add @christianisni22 on Snap!
He's a hot babe and he's single.
What does a ripped jacket and a golfer have in common?
They both have a hole in one.
How does a disabled kid walk to school?
He wishes he had the facilities to.
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
What's a deaf kid's favorite words?
"Shut up."
Why does a blind man still have eyes?
So he can see that he can't see.
What's the difference between a blind man and a window?
The window can see through itself.