Aed jokes
Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!
Sometimes I feel ugly, then remember I have a brother, then I feel better.
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"
You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
What is an orphan's favorite car?
A family car.
What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.
Kobe is a legend and is nothing to joke about. Wait till you crash and burn!
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.
Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.
Passengers: *Clap*
Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.
Flight Attendant: And what is that?
Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*
Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?
Only the taste.
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.