Aed jokes
How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.
What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.
Have you ever had a bad sausage? It's the wurst.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
What does cake and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
So, gender equality is the idea that a woman can do anything a man can, right? That they should be treated the same? So, therefore, if she swings on me, I could punch her into the Twin Towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"