Aed jokes
When is a car not a car?
When it's a house.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
When you try to close a Google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "Ad closed by Google."
What’s a teacher's favorite tree?
A geometry.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.
What did the girl say to the white guy? “You have a peener wiener!”
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
A single sentence walks into a bar.
Every moon has a silver lining.
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.