Aed jokes
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
What do you call a flamingo with 20 toes?
A flamingo.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
John took a bath with bubbles.
Bubbles was a man.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
You're a bish, and you are too!
If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks, then he'd have to call his pub a Mars Bar!
What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?
Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka-cola!
If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.