Aed jokes
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
He's homeless.
Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...
The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup?
A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴
Why did the pillow cross the road?
To get to a mattress store!
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
I got fired from a pickle factory for getting my finger caught in a slicer. They only gave *her* the day off with pay... unfair!
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?
Why were the victims of 9/11 so mad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was a plane.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"
what was sally's role in a football game?
the football ;-;
I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.
Q: What do women and KFC have in common?
A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!