Aed jokes
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
Location is in London by the way.
One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.
His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
Why did the hobo go back to the future?
To stop himself from wasting all his money on a rigged casino machine.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"
That was a real rib tickler. I've got a skele-TON more of the skele-PUNS!
What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?
A girlfriend likes a bad boy.
Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.
The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”
As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
There is a really, really small guy and his name is Adam, so I say, "Hey, look, it's an atom!"
What do Cavemen poop in?
A Neander stall.
If you have a broken bone, do you have broken skin?
Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!
I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
What do you call dolls in a line?
Barbie queuing.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...