Aed jokes
I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
“They are all very tearable,” he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.
Squirrel: I got a joke.
Dog: What the hell is it?
Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
My wife left me yesterday.
I haven't talked to the kids in a year.
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.