Aed jokes
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
I sat down and wrote a joke.
Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.
I would tell you a good joke, but I can’t, so here is a bad one.
I would tell you a joke about a teacher, but she’d kill you at school.
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
Time for a random Terraria joke.
Q: Why did the guide die at his house?
A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.
(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?
Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.
Q: Where did Helen Keller go to school?
A: Anywhere she was homeschooled.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Covid.
Covid who?
The thing that killed half a billion people!
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"