Aed jokes
We were so poor my dad would give me a penny not to eat supper.
I'd put it under my pillow and while I was sleeping, he would come in and take it. In the morning, he would holler at me for losing the penny.
What does a wife and a boombox have in common?
They only work when you beat them.
What do you say when a person trips?
You say, "Why you trippin'?"
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.
Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!
Why did the cow lick your mum?
Because she had a cream pie.
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
Q: Why do birds need feathers?
A: To cover up their butt quack!
Q. What is the Titanic's favorite food?
A. Ice burger.
Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.
Nobody:
Michael Jackson: giving kids a free cream pie.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
You know why Ted Cruz left Texas?
Because they never take a chill pill.
I got kicked outta the poker game.
They said I was a little cheetah.
A: Why did the orphan not come to school today?
B: Because today we had a parent meetup.
Q: Why is the graveyard so noisy? A: Because all the coffin.
If you don't get it, it means because of people coughing.