Adult Jokes

What does the word circumcise mean?

Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

Porn.

Harry Potter is a movie about a grown adult man with an unhealthy obsession with a teenage boy.

Store owner: You have to be 40 inches tall to go into the adult section.

Kid: Please.

Store owner: Oh okay, but get on your tippy toes.

Kid: Everybody is hugging.

The greatest feeling

The image shows a still from the cartoon series "Rick and Morty". The text in the image says "When you and your homie arguing about something and the Google search confirms your intellectual dominance." On the left side is Morty looking distressed and on the right side is Rick, smug, with his hands spread. [adult swim]

Why couldn’t the underage orphan get on an adult-only website? Because you need your parents' consent.

NASA stands for... National Adult S3x Association.

What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?

A KIDNey!

Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

Mum: And that is?

*Kid walks out.*

*Kid comes back in with milk.*

Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!

What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?

There's 20 of them.

If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.

If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?

If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.

Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!

Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.

We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.

My life.

Why is Santa so fat?

He only comes once a year.

How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?

Pour bleach on it.

What do you call a midget stripper?

A pocket pussy.

I never liked unnatural adult stars with implants and face surgeries because they look photoshopped, and they always need a ton of lube to get into due to how plastic they are.