Yo mama is so STUPID, she thought the Rams football team were actual RAMS.
Actuality Jokes
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"
I wrote a song about tortillas...
Actually, it's more of a wrap.
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
My life, but wait, jokes actually have meaning.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.
Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?
Because nobody will actually look for them.
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
I have a joke about lazy people!
Actually... forget it... it won't work.
Why do orphans love foster homes?
Because they actually have a home.
Why is a boomerang an orphan's favorite toy? Because it actually comes back.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
