Actuality jokes

What's Technoblade's actual Zodiac Sign?

Cancer!

What's the difference between me and an orphan's parents?

I actually come back with the milk.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's parents?

The clock actually comes back around.

Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?

They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

Maybe Leo actually isn’t stupid... maybe she just has bad luck with thinking!

You know the only way to win is you have to actually planet.

Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."

Did you know that soccer fields aren't made of 4 million crayons? They are actually made from grass. :)

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they actually come back.

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

My life, but wait, jokes actually have meaning.

What school subject does an orphan love?

PE because they actually get picked.

Y’all can actually see them at all, my toe.

I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.

He had a change of race tho when he died.

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

The chicken is actually a fruit because it is grown on a pole-tree.