Actuality jokes
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?
Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.
Why is a boomerang an orphan's favorite toy? Because it actually comes back.
Don't adopt people, or else your parents are gonna say you're ACTUALLY adopted, k thx. No jokes anymore, bye.
Y’all can actually see them at all, my toe.
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
Actually, Iron Man is female.
Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...
Your hairline is so bad that KSI's hairline actually looks normal.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples actually get picked.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
1) Did you hear the one about the school shooting? Actually, I better not... You wouldn't understand, it's aimed more towards a younger audience.
2) 6 was scared cuz 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9/11.
3) 10 dead babies.
Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?