Absence jokes

Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.

I have no father. Like if you relate.

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

The "f" in orphan is for family.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because his parents never came back with it.

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

Daddy.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because dad never came back with the milk.

I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.

Not a soul in sight.

My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.

An orphan's favorite toy is a boomerang. It comes back to them, unlike their parents.

You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.

Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.

What's the difference between a black dad and a boomerang? A boomerang comes back.

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.