Absence jokes
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back...
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
Because they need a parent signature.
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?
Because it was on strike.
What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?
Call their parents.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
Stop telling orphan jokes before they tell their parents.
Oh wait, they don't have any, please continue.
What is the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
Riddle me this. Riddle me that.
Why did my parents never come back?
What's an orphan's family photo?
A selfie.
Why do orphans eat breakfast with water?
The dad did not come home with the milk.
What is one word orphans can't spell?
Family.
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
The "M" and "D" in "orphan" stands for Mom and Dad.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can never get a home run.