Worst Jokes Ever

He's not really dead, his update failed.

What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

Guess Stephen's batteries died.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"

What's the difference between a chicken and a dog?

I don't know... I'm from China.

If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?

These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.

Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.

So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.

An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.

Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?

Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.

For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

What's an edible part of a wheelchair?

A vegetable!

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."