Worst Jokes Ever
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
My friend: "Yo, stupid."
Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"
My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."
Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.
Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: I don't know anymore.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
It didn’t, it ran because it was running from KFC.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
This page could use more "butt quack" jokes.
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
Stop making autism jokes, calling us "retards". It is cool.