Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

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    • This is a lot like anal sex.

    You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

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    • If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

    At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

    On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

    “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

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    • When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

    Then the speed bump starts screaming.

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    • When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

    ¿Qué hizo el cartero enojado?

    Estampó su feeeeeeet!!!

    Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.

    The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."

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    • My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

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    • I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.