Worst Jokes Ever

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”

She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.

Paedophiles are f***ing immature assholes.

Where did Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.

Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.

Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz II Men? He thought they were a delivery service.

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.

Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.

- Mommy, I want a bicycle!

- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

Davin is a pedo.

Did you hear about the homosexual letter? It only came in male boxes.

You people are sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!! None of these are funny. Sick sick sick!!!!!!!

Potato.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

What do you call a Mexican Baptism?

Bean Dip.

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."

What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?

My boner.