Worst Jokes Ever

If this is offensive to anyone, I'm sorry! Hey, wanna see something funny? Go look in your mirror!

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."

My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.

I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

Dad, am I adopted?

NO! Why would I ever choose you?

An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.

He called them: "Asperger's."

Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.

Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?

A) Robert Drowney Jr.

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!

A teacher asked his students a math question.

"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"

After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.

"One dollar!" she said.

Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."

Someone cutting the cheese then farted.

Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"

I don't like the word "gun".

Whenever I say it, people always get triggered.

What has 50 legs but can't walk?

25 disabled children.

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

A block of gold walked into a bar. The bartender said, “AU, get out!”

What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?

A kill streak.

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.

After 12, it's lunch. 😂