Worst Jokes Ever

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

What food does a cheetah eat?

Fast food.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!

Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.

I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.

Joke.

What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?

"They see me rolling, they hatin'."

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Why are Muslims terrible at football?

Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.

What do you call a fat Chinese man?

A double chinkey.

Why did the Canadian cross the road?

To say sorry to the other side.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

When I masturbate, things cum.

When an old man does, no one cums.

I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."

Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.

Mom: Shut up and keep digging.

What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.

Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.

The only thing I do straight is vodka.

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...

My cock was in the book of world records...

The librarian told me to take it out.