Worst Jokes Ever

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

Then the antidote becomes the most important.

Digging stuff up is too hard.

I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.

I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.

Wanna hear a racist joke?...

Donald Trump.

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless.

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

What's fast and almost got away?

A Mexican jumping the border.

I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.

I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.

If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

Father: "Son, you were adopted."

Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"

Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."

A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"