Worst Jokes Ever

Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.

Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.

... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.

Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.

Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.

What is Donald Trump’s favorite nation? – Discrimination.

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.

Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."

The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."

The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."

The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."

Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.

What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?

A Kongregation.

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

Bros over hos.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."

So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"

She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"

The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"

"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.

The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.

"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."